I was having a conversation with a close friend and eventually the subject of fear came up. He realized that debilitating emotion was the root cause of many of his decisions. These decisions kept him from moving forward with business ideas; it complicated romantic relationships and caused problems with family. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you’re scared. A person’s ego will look for every excuse and justification in the book to keep a blind eye to what’s really causing an issue. Fear is one of those subtle emotions that if you don’t recognize it, it can literally Dominate. In The Game we say, “The Dominant force always wins,” and what’s meant by that is what is strongest will eventually come out on top. Even if you don’t recognize it’s there, even if you don’t see it or even if you’re trying to ignore it. According to studies, the fear of success is caused by the fear of failure. It’s the underlying Dominant force. When you fear failing at something, this affects the decisions you make. These decisions are usually decisions that will actually CAUSE failure – it’s a vicious cycle – a self-fulfilling prophecy. You fear failing, it causes sub-optimal decisions and the result of these terrible choices is failure. As human beings, there are also other things we fear such as being emotionally hurt, not being “good enough” (feelings of inadequacy), not being accepted, not feeling cared about, being embarrassed, being judged and many more. This is all based in fear. When I started my first business, I was doing a round of cold-calls and left a message with a business owner. I was 17 at the time and still living at home with my parents. This business owner returned my call the next day when I wasn’t home. My mother picked up the phone and the business owner automatically assumed that she was my wife. My mother was wise enough to realize this was a business call and just played along. When I returned home my mother passed on the message. The business owner wanted to meet with me over lunch and discuss possible future business together. Now, potentially, that was a good thing. But what did I feel about the situation? I felt fear. Here I was, just 17 years old. I knew very little about business and I was scared to meet with this gentleman and possibly embarrass myself. I made the decision NOT to go. In fact, I never returned his phone call. When I look back at that decision now, it feels silly. Whether that meeting went well or not, I chose not to even TRY. Who’s to say, we could have done business together or at the very least, I could have gained a mentor. That alone would have drastically changed my life. I don’t regret the decision I made, but I do recognize that decision was based in fear and therefore was the wrong choice. Live and learn, correct? So, what are your fears keeping you from? A better career, owning a business, standing up for your self-respect, looking into something you’re curious about? Fear is all imagination. It’s a movie or story that you play out in your own mind. It’s not real unless you accept it as something that can BECOME real. Can your fears become real? Of course they can but look on the other side of the coin – what if they don’t? What if what you want is just on the other side of the lie you have in your head? To not even try is to be dormant. You cut yourself off from making your life just a little sweeter. You can try to lie to yourself, you can make up justifications as to why you shouldn’t try something, but at the end of the day you know why you didn’t do it. It’s rooted in fear – plain and simple. Don’t allow fear to get the best of you. To change your life, you have to get outside of your “box”; your comfort zone. It’s really simple: the same actions produce the same results; same causes, same effects. If you’re not happy with your effects then you need to make different decisions. Our enemy fear will always be there. It will torment you; it will tell you whatever you want to hear. It will trick you and pull you back into your comfort zone so you can feel safe and secure. And in that place, you will remain miserable. The choice is yours, it always has been. Either you will or you won’t; you do or you don’t. You can’t play the “victim card” on this one, because nobody is doing anything to you, but you. In the Game we say, “Life is a series of problems that must be solved,” and one of biggest problems to solve is actually YOU. The way you think and how you talk to yourself need to change otherwise you’re going to have to accept your life not changing. Your life can’t change because you’re not doing anything to MAKE it change. It can’t happen any other way. Think about it. Until next time… Curious about the Game? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Higher level Game to help take YOUR Game to the next level. Also receive news, discounts on future books and products along with early access. Join now by clicking [HERE].
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So, January is already half way over. Time flies, doesn’t it? I know many people buy into making New Year’s resolutions but, let’s be honest, many people never accomplish those goals. They usually never stay focused long enough. When I speak to people and answer emails I’m finding a common theme that’s keeping many from taking that BIG step into thinking above average. And I could say it’s based on many factors (which it usually is), but it commonly comes down to – people don’t have a CLEAR idea of what they REALLY want. If I asked you to make a list of the things you want to accomplish this year. Most people’s lists would be vague:
While having a target to aim at is extremely important, if you can’t see the bullseye (the center), then you can still hit the target, but not the CENTER. The center being EXACTLY what you want. I was speaking to a young Lady about relationships. She’s a fairly positive person, optimistic and attractive. She’s tired of the run around and unnecessary drama that can occur with trying to establish something meaningful. She recognizes that she does want someone special but there are things she’s just not willing to compromise on. Fair enough. I asked her what she wanted and I was giving a list of 5 or 6 things. Then I asked her what she DIDN’T want. This question led to an hour long conversation about her past experiences and difficulties that really bothered her. I pointed out that while it’s good she knows what she DOES NOT want, she wasn’t that clear about what she DOES want. Knowing what you don’t want is good – it’s a process called NEGATION. It can be used to determine what something IS NOT, so you can find out what something IS. Or in this case, what is NOT wanted or needed to determine what IS wanted or needed. And while this can help you recognize many targets that you can aim and shoot at, it’s really best to only have 1 target. This is concentrated force going in a single direction; applied effort to yield a specific outcome. Simply put, having a Dominant force instead of using a weaker one. The Dominant force eventually always wins over a weaker force. You can say I want a new house but, what kind of house? What kind of neighborhood? How many bedrooms? Garage or no garage? What is each room going to be used for? How big is the yard? Is the back yard fenced in? What’s going in the back yard? Older house or newer house? Brick or siding? Ranch style home or home with a full basement? Etc., etc. This plays on your personal psychology because it gives the mind a focal point to work with. Let me give you an example. Many of you have probably experienced something like this before: Let’s say you started thinking about purchasing a new car. And while you’re out and about handling your daily responsibilities, you start noticing the very same car you were thinking about buying. You may see it multiple times on the interstate, parked in different parking lots; it may often pass you on the road. Here’s the kicker: Has this car you’ve decided to buy always been that prevalent and you just haven’t paid attention? Well, it has. But now that you’ve given your mind something to pay attention to, you’ll notice that particular vehicle much more – it will stand out like a sore thumb. You’ve given your mind a focal point and this focal point draws the mind’s awareness. This works with anything. It could material items, or better personality traits you want to develop. Back to the question… Do you know what you REALLY want? Are you clear or are the images you have in your mind just vague? The clearer the picture, the more Dominant the force you put behind it. Think of it like taking a photo. If you took a picture and the result came out blurry, would you keep it? More than likely you would take another picture so that quality was clearer. Clarity is a gift to the eyes as well as the mind. Always be real with yourself – be honest. Go passed what you think others may think about what you want, unless they’re included in the decision. Go passed what society has told you that you SHOULD want. Be authentic, be bold and create a crystal clear picture of what it is you REALLY want because that’s the first major step to getting it. See yourself as you want to be. See yourself already having what you want. Place yourself in a clear, uncluttered picture. GET 30% OFF until February 1st, 2017
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