This is a follow up to last week’s post, “The Shocking Truth about a Man’s Greatest Need”. If you missed it just click [HERE].

That post generated hundreds of views and a lot of positive feedback from women, but no response from men. All good, I figured this time around I would address the men directly.

This post is going to step on some toes but that’s fine, this information is needed.

Men, many of us have lost our Manhood and some of us never had it to begin with. The majority of us were never taught just what Manhood is.

The problem I face when I discuss Manhood is that people (men in particular) feel that just because they’re grown, this makes them a man. This isn’t true.

• You’re not a man because you’ve grown up.
  
• You’re not a man because you hold down a job or run a business. 
  
• You’re not a man because you have a nice house, car or other material things.
  
• You’re not a man because you’ve had children.
  
• You’re not a man because you have sex with a number of women.
  
• You’re not a man because you can fix things around the house or work on a car.
  

True Manhood is beyond all of that, and this is why we’re losing control of our lives, households and our families. Men have been conditioned to seek material and worldly pleasures to “look” like we’re "about" something, instead of standing on principles and developing character.

Before I define what a man is I need to make this statement:

A man is not what you become when you grow up. A man is a position that must be held.

A man is a position you must step into. Like I said last week, some grown men are just grown “boys”. So what is a man? What is this position that must be held?

The easiest way for me to define Manhood is like this -Let’s look at the dating world:

Now men, keep it real with me… many of us, when we first meet a woman we like, put up a good front.

We’re nice, accommodating, patient and attentive. But over time, months down the line, we change. We don’t become someone “different”, we become who we already “are”.

So here you go, showing a woman all your good qualities but because this is not really you, the real you comes out later. This happens because a person acts and speaks the way they think. No one can keep up a front forever, especially when the responsibilities of a relationship weigh down on you.

And you know what happens when the real you finally comes out? Women get confused and upset – and they have every right to be. Why? Because you were not consistent in who you said you were.  This shatters her sense of security, which is one of a woman’s greatest needs.

This is not being responsible – this is not being accountable. And this is one reason women lose respect for you. Put the shoe on the other foot and you would feel the same way.

In the Game we say, “Never start a pace you can’t keep up,” and this applies here.

The position of Manhood is about consistency and accountability. To be who you claim you are at all times, no exceptions.

This is not easy and this sure as hell isn’t convenient – but this is a large part of what it takes to hold the position of Manhood.

True men Function – we do not Fold. We are consistent in who and what we say we are, at all times and with no compromise. We take responsibility and accountability for everything we say and do. Simple. Period.

Now let me make this even clearer.

If you don’t know who you truly are – you cannot take the position of Manhood.  As I stated last week - You can’t give what you don’t have.

To hold the position of Manhood, you must have principles that you never Fold on. You must have integrity and character. When you posses these things no one can come move you. No one can come and convince you to act any other way. You don’t bend or sway in any situation. Your principles, character and integrity come first at all times – no compromising, no exceptions.

And if you don’t have any principles, standards, character or integrity you cannot hold the position of Manhood – You’re just a boy who has grown up.

A man that has strong principles, standards, character and integrity isn’t always liked by everyone. But he is respected and appreciated by his woman and his family – what’s more important than that?

For those of you men reading this that disagree with me, let me give you some Real Game:

A woman is attracted to a man's overall behavior over anything else. Don't believe me? Ask them. A man's behavior can turn them on and turn them off in a heartbeat.

Final words – I’m not a religious person and I’m not trying to turn this into a religious discussion but there is a vital lesson to be learned.

When Adam was confronted by the Heavenly Father in the biblical story of Adam and Eve (Genesis Chapter 3), Adam Folded under the pressure. Instead of being accountable and taking responsibility for what he was put in position to do, he blamed the woman. And to make matters worse he blamed the Heavenly Father for giving him the woman.

Adam not being accountable for his position of rulership was the fall of man. Consider that for a moment.

Men, stop pulling an Adam! Stop blaming your woman, other people and the outside World for not “allowing” you to be who you need to be. Claim your position of Manhood.

This only scratches the surface of this topic but I think this is a good starting point so I’ll end this here.

Let’s air this out. What are your thoughts on this?

Leave a comment below.

Until next time.

Want more? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, discounts and answers to questions too controversial for the blog. Join now by clicking [HERE].

Lately I’ve been getting an abundance of relationship questions from women. So in this post I'm going to switch gears. Although I’m no relationship counselor I understand enough about the male and female dynamic to deliver some much needed insight so have no fear.

*WARNING: Be advised, this post will get into some slightly mature subject matter*

I was fortunate enough to grow up with both my father and mother present in the household. My father taught me responsibility but my mother taught me about women in her own unique way. Like most mothers, she tried to teach me to be the “nice guy”. Or as we call it in the Game, a "simp". Most mothers do this unconsciously but it has adverse effects on a young man’s perspective on romantic relationships.

Let’s be honest. A woman can be many things but she can’t be a man. You can’t give what you don’t have.

The reality is, “nice guys” usually finish last and they generally get ran over by women. We as men are taught to spend our time catering to women and in doing this we sacrifice one of our most important needs. A need many of us don’t realize we even have!

Because of this we are never 100% satisfied in our relationships. One of our deepest needs is not being met. This is not the woman’s fault, it’s ours.

This deepest need of a man is not being nurtured, or “babied”, it’s not having a home-cooked meal every night (although this is greatly appreciated, trust me), and no, this deepest need is not sex either. 

We love sex, but sex won’t hold a man – I’m sure many of you ladies reading this have already experienced that for yourselves. 

A woman leans more toward needing security. She wants to be very confident that “home” is taken care of, and that all the relationships in her life are stable – especially her romantic relationship. She wants a man that is who he says he is and to be consistent in that.

But what does a man need?

A man also enjoys security because he is taught to help provided it, but one of his greatest needs is deeper than that. One of a man’s greatest needs is to be admired.

There is nothing that turns a man on more then to be respected and admired by the woman he loves – A woman who can “manifest” his truth (if he has one). A man wants to be respected and appreciated for his dreams, goals, aspirations and for just being a man in general.

To a man, a woman who is sincerely "into" him is worth her weight in gold. It’s not about her becoming a clone of him or losing her identity, it’s about her being “in tune” with him – understanding him as well as he understands himself.

We love it when a woman quotes things we say. We love it when a woman can see things from our point of view (perspective), even if she doesn’t agree. We love it when she backs up the moves we make.

Now when I say this, many women get very defensive and think I’m trying to insinuate that a woman should be submissive to her man. And that’s part of the problem, admiring your man has nothing to do with being submissive. In fact, nowhere in the dictionary definition of admiration will you find the word submissive. They are two totally different things.

What I’m saying is this, Ladies – just like you feel unhappy and neglected when a man is not giving you time, attention and providing for you (materially, mentally and emotionally), a man feels the same way when he doesn’t feel he’s being admired. He gets unhappy and easily agitated when his woman has no confidence in him and his abilities. 

When you place little value on every plan, goal and personal interest of a man you are planting weeds in a garden of flowers. Too many weeds will kill everything beautiful that could possibly grow. 

When this is taken to the extreme, this can even make him feel like less than a man.

Now, let’s get real here. Not all grown males can hold the title of being a man. Some grown males are still boys. Age does not define maturity. Manhood, unfortunately, just isn’t in some grown males. 

Do these grown "boys" deserve admiration? Not in my opinion. And even if you’re in a relationship with someone like this, no amount of encouraging, fussing, complaining or bickering is going to change him.

He has to want to be a man for himself, not for you.

Let's air this out. What are your feelings and thoughts about this? 

Leave a comment below.

Catch the follow up to this post. Click [HERE]

Until next time.

Want more? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, discounts and answers to questions too controversial for the blog. Join now by clicking [HERE]

Looking to start a home-based business or small business and all those other business books are too boring or confusing?

Have you been eye-balling the book for awhile and been on the fence?

Great news! From now until April 7th, 2014 you can get a copy of my book, Unlocking the Small Business Game, for only $2.50 on Amazon Kindle. That’s a 50% savings! The paperback is on sale as well at 10% off the retail price for only $11.20 or less.

Look at what others are trying to charge you for one of the greatest business start-up books ever written! (ok, a little over exaggeration there, forgive me)

Yes. This is an actual screenshot! I’m flattered, really, but this is really unfair to you, the reader.

Don’t wait any longer. Learn all the skill-sets you need to start your dream business from nothing! Unleash your inner Hustler - Get your copy now! CLICK [HERE]

Even if you don't have a Kindle device, the digital edition can still be read on your iPad, iPhone, Android device and even your PC using the free Kindle app.

To get a free preview of the book - CLICK [HERE] and scroll down.

You Can Have Anything You Want – By Asking the Right Questions (well, almost anything)

You may not realize this but the art of asking questions is extremely powerful when it comes to getting more from other people. Verbal skills are an aspect of the Game that is crucial. A Player (person in a Game) should have a very crisp mouth-piece (the way you speak).

There are a lot of Players who talk very well. They are articulate, have an adequate vocabulary and they are quick to formulate responses. The problem is they think they need to use big fancy words and over exaggeration to get their point across. This doesn’t always work. Especially if the person you’re speaking to doesn’t understand what you just said.

What part of the Game is that?

I don’t know either.

Good communication is essential at every level in life but when you are trying to persuade and convince others you need to know how to do more than just speak well. You need to position yourself correctly in order to elicit agreement.

“James,” you ask, “What are you talking about?”

Let’s look at the game of Chess – then I will share some very simple Game with you that can benefit you in your life right now.

The concept of chess is simple but playing well takes practice and attention to detail. A skilled chess player needs to be able to “see” a few moves ahead. If he can predict or force his opponent to weaken his or her position, then he can gain an advantage and possibly win.

In other words, the game can be over before it even begins. This is especially true if a Grand Master ranked chess player is playing against a novice.

Now before we go any further I need you to promise me that you will use this ethically. What follows is a very simple persuasion tactic that requires very little forethought and can be used in any area of your life:  At work, in business, with your children, in a romantic relationship – heck, you can even use it to get bill collectors to stay off your back for awhile.

The key here is prior planning and careful sentence structure. In other words, strategy – just like playing chess, we need to think a few moves ahead.

Examples:

Poorly structured question: “Where are we going out to eat tonight?”

Properly structured question: “When we go out to eat, are we getting Italian or Mexican?”

Here’s the Game.

First we present our “opponent” with an option. Or better said – the illusion of an option. In this case it’s whether to eat Italian cuisine or Mexican.

But guess what? I wouldn’t mind eating either one. I made the choice before I gave my “opponent” the illusion of a choice. Whatever they choose, I win.

Taking this even deeper, if we never agreed to go out to begin with I can present the situation like this:

“We should go out to eat tonight. Do you want Italian or Mexican?”

I never asked, “Do you want to go out to eat?” I assumed the agreement and then gave an illusion of choice. Again, if they agree, I win. I get to go out to eat AND I get the kind of food I want.

The Game was won before it even started. Simple, isn’t it?

Bill collectors on your back? Structure a question with an illusion of choice.

“You said you want a payment? Well I can pay half tomorrow or I can pay in full when I get paid in two weeks. What works for you?”

Aren’t we just polite and cooperative? Either way, you win if you stick to this.

If you take the time to think this simple technique through you can find many applications for it.

Until next time. Keep it simple and stay in motion.

Want more? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, discounts and answers to questions too controversial for the blog. Join now by clicking [HERE]

Greetings! So I’m getting ready for an official book launch for my new book which I’ve nick-named the “Little Black Book”. I’ll release more details in the future but let’s just say for now – there will be nothing like it on the market. Nothing like it has ever been written – to my knowledge at least.

And this shouldn’t be a surprise when it comes to a launch; there is a TON to do!

Being a solo-preneur (a person who runs a business by themselves) is not easy. But in all honesty being a solo-preneur is nothing but being a Hustler. Everything is on you and you must deliver.

Not only do I have to write the book, edit the book, create the front and back covers, register the ISBN’s, ensure I keep my international publishing rights, write the introduction page for the website, convert the text files, prepare the FREE preview, put together the website graphics and convert the covers so they can be properly displayed on Amazon…  I also have to market and advertise.

May not sound like much, but please trust me this stuff takes time!

As a side note, to those who are thinking of getting into the self-publishing Game – writing a book is only 40% of the work. The other 60% is creating an author platform, marketing, promoting and advertising. Fun! At least to me, I love being creative with the details.

Wait. Now that I think about it that applies to almost every business. Anyway...

I enjoy it all though (well, except the editing part) and I’m satisfied when all of that hard work comes together. That feeling of accomplishment is one of the best feelings in the world. To be able to see something you created benefit others is something I think everyone should experience if you haven’t already.

All this work is what we as Hustlers call the “Grind”. It’s the work we put for our successful outcomes.

A few years ago I had a client who was planning to open up a mobile house cleaning service. Like most of my clients they have a vision, they have the desire but when I ask them to start giving me details, they suddenly become hesitant.

Most of my clients go from enthusiastic to doubtful. They don’t initially realize how much work is actually involved. The reality is, when you’re on a tight budget, the majority of the work is going to be on you. Nearly every decision is going to be yours.

You have to be willing to go into unfamiliar territory and find your way around in the dark – with no flashlight.

So, for my aspiring Hustlers (solo-preneurs) out there don’t be afraid, doubtful or hesitant – keep it moving. There are a ton of resources available, especially online. I didn’t have that when I first started but you can use all that to your advantage today.

Don’t allow yourself to feel overwhelmed and get discouraged. It’s best to play the Game and lose than just sit on the bench and watch. It reminds me of that old proverb, “You never know what you can do until you try.”

Until next time. Keep it moving and keep it simple in the process.

Want more? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, discounts and answers to questions too controversial for the blog. Join now by clicking [HERE]